Things To Do When You're Stoned

*Meditate

*Run away and join the circus.

*Do your laundry.

SKILL OF THE MONTH: IMPROVE YOUR JAY-DAR

Listen for verbal cues. Dude, if someone says "dude" a lot, then, "fucking dude"-that's a good sign. Listen carefully for the stoner's telltale conversational pause, the likelihood of repeating good story more than thrice, and casual mention of any of the many, many monikers marijuana goes by-everything from muggles to Mary Jane. Also, don't be afraid to drop a few well-placed hints of your own, which can be accomplished with a minimium of risk. For instance, if they don't smoke 'dro, then they won't know what you're talking about when you ask them to pass it. Warning: The word is out on 420, so beware when interacting with the straight world-they have cracked out code. Please remain calm and continue to smoke as you would normally.

Thank you #HighTimes.

BURNING BOOKS: VINELAND (1990)

Considered a solitary genius, and among America's top contemporary novelists, Thomas Pynchon may be best known for long and challenging epics like Gravity's Rainbow and V., but in this novel he turns his considerable talents to a highly readable evisceration of the War on Drugs by taking one of its victims and making him human. Zoyd Wheeler lives a quiet stoner life in Humboldt County, California, until one day a vindictive DEA man abd a federally funded anti-marijuana operation turn his wife against him, and his life upside-down.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

MARIJUANA SYNONYMS, F-H

Fatty, fatty-bo-batty, flowers, 420, frodis, funk, G-13, ganeb, ganja, giggle blossom, giggle stick, giggle weed, gold, grass, green, greenery, grifa, gunja, gunji, hanf, happy jack, hash, hashish, hay, Haze, hemp, herb, herbage, hippie lettuce, hocus pocus, homegrown, hooch, hooter, hydro

Thank you High Times Magazine for the words of wisdom.

SKILL OF THE MONTH: CULTIVATING

SKILL OF THE MONTH: CULTIVATING

If you're thinking about planting some herb of your own, you should take great comfort in the fact that Mother Nature has been successfully propagating cannabis sativa since a time long before anyone came along to name it. Simply provide your plants with proper light, air, water, and nutrients, and they will flourish, producing the kind of fat, sticky, resin-coated buds you've grown accustomed to drooling over in the pages of High Times. Give them all the love they deserve, and you can yield enough to put yourself(or your kids)through college, but as soon as you neglect any one of these elements, your ganja will suffer, and so will your harvest. Also, because of society's misguided prohibitions, you'll have to keep your garden a secret, which can involve anything from scouting the ideal planting location in the middle of a remote patch of sticker bushes to adding air filters to your basement grow room to keep the smell of fresh grass from wafting up to the neighbors.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom

DON'T PANIC-GROW ORGANIC

DON'T PANIC-GROW ORGANIC

Growing organic ganja won't save the world, especially if you're only cultivating a small garden, but it will certainly help. You'll also harvest buds that smell sweet and taste fantastic. Organic ganja is especially important for medical marijuana users who may react negatively to the chemical residues left behind by synthetic fertilizers or pesticides.

Ask around at your local garden store, and they'll be glad to turn you on to a whole world of organic alternatives-just don't tell them what exactly you're growing.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

BURNING BOOKS: DROP CITY

BURNING BOOKS: DROP CITY

T.C. Boyle's brilliant 2003 novel centers around the "beautiful people" and easy living in a Northern California commune where idealism and reality meet face to face amid a pungent haze of pot smoke. Hardcore heads may prefer Boyle's novel Budding Prospects, about an ill-fated outdoor grow operation, but Drop City is the superior story, particularly for anyone who ever wondered what it really must have been like to turn on, tune in, and drop out in the '60s.

STONER SONGS: "LEGALIZE IT" (1976)

Once a member of the Wailers alongside Bob Marley, Peter Tosh embarked on a highly political solo career after leaving the band, including this anthemic call to change the marijuana laws:"Legalize it / Don't criticize it / Legalize it, and I will advertise it." Never afraid to voice his opposition to hypocritical governments, both in Jamaica and around the world, Tosh once smoked a spliff on stage during a concert attended by the Prime Minister of Jamaica while demanding the legalization of cannabis.

Thank you High Times.

YE OLDE GREEN BUD

YE OLDE GREEN BUD

"Queen Victoria's personal physician, J.R. Reynolds, was a great proponent of medical marijuana. In 1890 he wrote in The Lancet, "When pure and administered carefully it is one of the most valueable medicines we possess." It's rumored that Queen Victoria used it to treat her menstrual cramps."

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

LET THEM EAT SPACE CAKES

In 1799, Napoleonic soldiers returning from Egypt brought the first hashish to Europe, establishing an eager market that has exsisted ever since, although both Napoleon and Pope inncocent VIII attempted to ban it's use.

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Marijuana TO GO

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PRESIDENTIAL POT

Thomas Jefferson wrote his original draft of the Declaration of Independence on hemp. And George Washington, America's first president, leader of the revolution that gave birth to our freedoms, and lifelong hemp farmer, advised his young nation: "Make the most of the hemp seed. Sow it everywhere."

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE STONED

*Stand on your head.

*Cultivate a fake French accent.

*Doodle.
Bonus points: Make a little flipbook on the edge of a stack of Sticky notes.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom on this lovely weekend.

STONER SONGS: "REEFER MAN" (1932)

Cab Calloway recorded this tongue-in-cheek tribute to marijuana dealers five years before "the devils lettuce" was made illegal - a time when most Americans still hadn't even heard of marijuana.

"Have you ever met this funny reefer man? / If he trades you dimes for nickels and calls watermelons pickles, then you know you're talkin' to that reefer man."

Thank you High Times.

GANJA GLOBETREKKING: NIMBIN, AUSTRALIA

This tiny dairy town was nearly deserted in 1973, when a group of radical visionaries from the Australian Union of Students arrived with plans for the first annual Aquarius Festival. After the freak fest ended, a lot of the freaks stayed, transforming Nimbin into a left-wing hippie bastion and something of an autonomous zone when it comes to marijuana. Although the herb remains illegal as in the rest of Australia, local officials tend to turn a blind eye to small amounts of dealing and smoking in the street.

Arrive on the first weekend in May for the "Let It Grow!" Mardi Grass Fiesta and Drug Law Reform Rally, a gathering that draws ten thousand Aussies and others to a multi-day public burndown featuring political rallies, street protests, outdoor concerts, a grower's cup to judge the best local crop, and the infamous HEMP olympics, which combines joint rolling, bong throwing, and feats of strength such as running relay races while lugging giant bags of fertalizer.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE STONED

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE STONED

*Throw a water balloon.

*Do the robot dance.

*Practice your Cheech and Chong imitation: Dave's not here, man...

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

High Times All Stars: Bill Lee

Known to fans and foes alike as "The Spaceman," Bill Lee was a big league outcast who touted Eastern philosophy, defended Maoist China, and claimed he sprinkled marijuana on his buckwheat pancakes in the morning - the THC thus making him impervious to bus fumes while jogging to work at Boston's Fenway Park. Late in his career, fans in Montreal threw him hash from the stands. He even partied with George W. Bush.

"Back in '73, we rolled a couple of doobies and smoked them together," Lee told Montreal Gazette prior to the 2000 presidential election. "And I can tell you, he definately inhaled."

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

FOR THE BIRDS

Sterilized hemp seed is both perfectly legal and perfectly safe for birds. That, however, did not stop the DEA from seizing a trailer truck full of hemp birdseed in 1999. The DEA claimed the seeds were a Schedule 1 narcotic.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

SKILL OF THE MONTH: DEALING WITH YOUR DEALER

SKILL OF THE MONTH: DEALING WITH YOUR DEALER

*Don't ask for a free sample

*Don't ask to be fronted weed until next Tuesday

*Don't ask where your dealer gets herb from or how much it costs.

Thank you High Times for the words of wisdom.

Marijuana Synonyms: A-B

"Abaca, Acapulco Gold, AK-47, Aunt Mary, bang, bat, BC beedie, beast, bhang, biff, blueberry, blunt, bleezie, bone, bread, breezie, broccolo, brown, buddha, bubba kush,bubblegum, bud, budski, bunk, burnie and bush."

Thank you http://www.hightimes.com/ for the daily words.